I have come to terms with the fact that having a child with my own DNA just isn't gonna happen. So I have started advertising for an egg donor.
I have had a few replies but have been speaking to a wonderful lady who is 'thinking about' donating. She has 2 children who are quite young and a husband who, by the sounds of it can't really understand why she wants to donate her eggs.
Anyway... after a couple of conversations, she is going to see my doctor to go through and get her head around the procedures she would need to go through to donate her eggs. And then if she is comfortable, we are going to meet up and 'go through the logistics'.
Truth is, I am way scared... scared of pinning my hopes on this one person who is 'thinking about it', scared of another failure and scared of the fact that maybe I wont be able to move forward with my life if I don't have a child of my own. Also, like what is the protocol here? Do I leave it for a week before I contact her to see if she has made an appointment. I don't want her to feel that I am hassling her but truth be know, time is of the essence here.
I am 40 and have already dedicated 4 years of my life to this... it is getting boring! So many sacarifices I have made, so many opportunities missed. I know that once I have a healthy baby it will be all worth it but what if I don't.
After reading Sparkles post about positive reinforcement and trying to get in touch with my higher guide, I have been trying to do positive affirmations every where I go but the fact that I have the feeling that this is all going to fail, in the back of my mind scares me silly.
Anyway at least I seem to be moving forward.